Add the ground beef to a large, deep skillet over medium-high heat. Cook, crumbling, until no longer pink, about 7 minutes.
Stir in the dried minced onion, dried minced garlic, chili powder, paprika, and cumin. Cook 30 seconds, until fragrant.
Add the beef broth, Rotel with juices, Worcestershire sauce, salt, and pepper. Scrape up any browned bits and bring to a boil.
Stir in the penne, pressing it under the liquid. Cover, reduce heat to medium-low, and simmer 12 to 15 minutes, stirring every 3 to 4 minutes, until the pasta is al dente and most of the liquid is absorbed. Add a splash of broth or water if it gets dry.
Reduce heat to low. Stir in the cream cheese until melted, then stir in the whole milk. Do not let it boil.
Remove from heat and stir in the cheddar until melted. Rest 5 minutes to thicken. Taste for salt and garnish with cilantro and jalapeños.